The Burden
by Splinter
Summary: Splinter gives Donatello a special request, but he might be asking too much.


((First of all let me begin by saying that while I hope you find some parts of this story amusing and witty, it is not intended as a comedy. I say this because I am not known for writing about serious topics but this one has caught my attention. This was actually loosely based on a RP I participated in for some months...or maybe even a year. While the context of the fic is completely different, the idea in the RP was brought up, we just never got around to playing it out. That being said, I take no formal stand on the issue at hand so please do not flame me for the point of view in the fic. This is merely how I think Splinter would stand on the issue in general and about himself in particular. Also, since serious fics are not exactly my forte, I would appreciate any and all comments or criticisms)) 

Donatello sat nervously in his sensei's study. The small warped wooden desk where they used to have schooling lessons was polished until it gleamed. It was a very rare thing for him to be called in here. This particular room was usually reserved for those turtles who had a hand in planning missions…also known as Leonardo…or for those turtles who had a hand in causing trouble…also known as Michelangelo and Raphael. Seeing as how Don fit into neither of those categories, he was nervous as to why he would be called in here. While he waited for Splinter, in his mind he went through the day's events trying to pick out something he might have done wrong.

He had done fairly well in practice that afternoon and his chores were done. He'd even done a little studying on his own. Since they had turned 15, Splinter had stopped holding any sort of formal academic lessons. They were all well educated and for his part, Donatello had taken what Splinter had taught and began to expand on it. He knew for a fact his sensei was proud of his achievements and encouraged him. So that couldn't be it.

He had stayed up a little late the night before to work on a project that had been frustrating him. Splinter was very big on his students getting adequate rest and unfortunately that didn't include sleeping in until noon. So Donatello knew he was a bit tired all day. Even that though shouldn't warrant any sort of scolding or punishment.

Don's hands fidgeted nervously in his lap when he heard the study door open. Maybe it was those movies. Although how in the world Splinter would have found out about that was beyond him. It wasn't like they were being charged to their home and unless Splinter actually sat down at his computer and searched it…but Splinter couldn't do that. This was the guy who had issues with a microwave. He couldn't…

"Donatello?" Splinter's insistent voice snapped Don from his thoughts.

The turtle looked up almost panic stricken. "Sensei, honest I have NO clue how those movies got on the computer."

Splinter blinked. "What?"

"But I'll delete them right away," Don continued desperately.

Sounding confused, Splinter shook his head. "Donatello."

"I'll even put in a parental guard."

"Donatello."

"Don't make me throw it out."

"Donatello!" Splinter snapped a bit more harshly than he intended because his son almost ducked his head into his shell. He sighed. "Donatello, I have no idea what you are talking about. What movies?"

Don blinked. "Um….nothing. Nothing at all." He smiled sheepishly. "What did you need Sensei?"

The rat studied his student for a few moments before pulling a chair over to sit across from him. "I needed to speak with you. About something very important to me."

Don nodded slowly and hid a smile of pride. He knew his sensei loved them all equally, but Leonardo was usually the one Splinter confided in. That his sensei wanted to talk to him about this thrilled him…whatever this turned out to be.

"I have always tried to prepare all of you for the day that I will no longer be with you," Splinter began almost hesitantly. "My own mortality is never far from my mind. If only because I worry for all of you."

Whatever small smile had formed on Dons lips about being his sensei's confidant, slowly evaporated when he realized that this conversation was going to be morbid at best. He knew Splinter wouldn't live forever, it just wasn't something he wanted to dwell on. Especially since his master brought it up quite frequently already.

"I know this is hard for you to discuss, My Son, but this is something I have been thinking about for quite some time." Splinter sat back against his chair thoughtfully. "You, Donatello, have far exceeded any of my expectations. Your gifts for learning and applying that knowledge are second to none. Even just recently, you have taken the little first aid and healing I have taught you, and expanded on it. You are a fine healer, my son."

Don shook his head and sighed a little. "Sensei, I'm an engineer not a doctor. What I know and what I do…." He looked up. "It's by necessity. Not because I want to." The turtle looked a little squeamish. He absolutely hated the sight of blood, especially the blood of his family. But within that last year, he had somehow become the family doctor. He couldn't even begin to guess the number of stitches he'd sewn or illnesses he had cured in a year alone.

Splinter gave him a small smile. "I know Donatello. This path has chosen you more than you have chosen it. But that does not mean you are not doing an admirable job. And knowing you as I do, it does not mean that you will not continue to learn new things." Don shrugged. It was true and he knew it. Just this morning he had been thumbing through an anatomy book and comparing it to what he knew about his own body structure. The night before he had been looking for ways to get medicines for his family. With winter coming, they would need a pretty good supply of antibiotics among other things.

"As your knowledge grows, Donatello, so will your abilities. It is this I wish to speak to you about."

His son looked up at him in confusion. "I don't understand."

Splinter considered his words carefully. "I am an old rat, My Son. I have lived far longer already than others of my kind. Fates willing, I will live many more years to come. However, when it comes my time to go, I ask that you allow me that dignity. And to help your brothers understand that is my wish."

Donatello stared at Splinter. He could feel the small hollow feeling of dread in his stomach. That empty churning feeling you get when you have been shocked by something you feel powerless to change. "L…let you go?" His voice sounded small and frightened even to him. "Sensei…are you _dying_?"

"From the moment we are born, we are dying, Donatello. I do not know when my time is coming. I do not believe it to be soon." The rat leaned forward in his chair to place one hand on Don's hand. "But I do not know."

"Wait wait…you're saying we should…I should just LET you die? Even if I can stop it?" A small ember of anger flickered in Don's eyes. "How can you say such a thing? How can you even THINK it?"

Splinter sighed an withdrew his hand. "Donatello, it is my wish to die as I have lived. With dignity and with honor…."

"Where's the honor in just letting yourself die? Do you think that Mike could just stand by and let you? Or Leo…or even Raph?"

"No," Splinter said quietly. "No I do not think they would."

Don's eyes widened in understanding. "That's why you're telling me. You think that I'd…." He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

"Donatello…I am asking you because I know you will honor my wishes. When the time comes, you will be more able to make such a decision. You have always been the most rational and logical, even when emotions run high." Visibly stung, Donatello barely managed to choke out. "You make it sound as if I'm cold and unfeeling. How do you know that when…that time comes, I'll be any more capable of letting you die?"

Splinter looked at him sadly. "I do not think you cold or unfeeling, Donatello. But you have the ability to detach yourself from your feelings as any good physician can. Your brothers cannot do this."

That was true too. Mike had gotten stabbed in the side a few months back. Raphael and Leonardo were tensed and high strung the whole time. They snapped at anyone and everyone. Even Splinter, who Don always knew to be solid as a rock cried when they thought Mike would die. Donatello took care of Mike the whole time, doing what needed to be done. If his brother died, then he would allow himself to mourn, but at the time, he didn't shed one tear for his little brother.

Donatello looked at his hands. "I don't know…that I can do this Master."

Splinter took his sons hands into his own. "You can because it is my wish. It is my final wish I am leaving with you."

Swallowing hard, Donatello got to his feet. "I need some time. To think. May I go sensei?"

Splinter nodded. "Hai." Ten years he'd watched his son age in these few minutes. This was a terrible put on one so young, but Splinter had no recourse. He watched the turtle leave the study with a sigh. He would give the boy time to think and meditate on what he had been told, but this discussion was not over.


End file.
